Danielle of the real housewives of New Jersey is a crazy person

I really don’t understand Danielle from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. She is a crazy person. You consistently try to become friends with these ladies that have no desire to be friends with you. Most people would have accepted this in life and moved on, especially a woman of your age, yet you continue to try to make these women be your friend. I just don’t get it. Not everyone has to be friends. These women are not a classy bunch but you by far are the least classy of the bunch. And yes, I do say that with judgment. Crazy.

Nate Berkus

How I love thee, let me count the ways. You are getting your own show in September and the Big O gave you a whole send off show. You seem friendly and approachable and I want to run my fingers through your hair, in a totally non-creepy way. If you have any interest in coming to Austin and helping me out with a 420 square foot of fun apartment, I would love to have you. My bed sleeps 2 or I have a couch or blow up mattress if those would be more comfortable, but I would prefer to share my bed.

A blessing

My good hair day has been overshadowed by the fact that the outfit choice for work that I made this morning shows a little more of the chest region than I thought this AM. I have taken to walking around with my cardigan pulled tight with my arms crossed like I am ready to receive a blessing from a Priest.

Bridesmaid Dresses

Not to dwell on the wedding issues of late, but I have been looking at lots of bridesmaid dresses. My BFF, CP, is in a wedding in the fall and she had 4 styles to pick from so naturally I looked at those 4 styles and then more and then wedding dresses. It is a slippery slope once you get into the looking. Well I came across what I can only describe as my dream bridesmaid dress. It has a lovely ruffle v neck which I am sure would look great on anyone. Lula Kate also seems to have the best, most rich colors, to pick from. I want to meet this designer and tell her how much I love what she is doing to make bridesmaid dresses look chic and not bridesmaid like. The BFF does not love ruffles as much as I do but came up with 2 other options. This and this I also adore them. I love the idea of giving your special ladies the option between a dress or 2. Strapless is a less than desirable look on me so I don’t own anything strapless. CP, on the other hand, looks divine in strapless. I think it was made for her. Anytime I see a dress that is strapless that I like, I send it to her, because that is what friends do. That and they g chat each other dresses while talking on the phone to each other about the finer points of each one. You have to do these things when you live 1,164 miles from each other. Yes, I did just google how far apart we are.

A Valid Concern

I was just on Perez catching up on my celeb gossip and this horrible thought came to me. What if Miley Cyrus dated Justin Bieber?? She would be the one pursuing it because he is far to classy of a Canadian to be interested in her. I think someone needs to warn him. Is anyone else concerned with this potential tragedy?
Biebes, just say no!

The Jitterbug

No, I am not talking about the dance. I am talking about one of the hottest cell phones out there....NOT! Last Sunday I had brunch with LE, soon to be LG and her fiance MG. LE has the i-phone and hates it. While she and I were gossiping about girly stuff, MG was playing with her phone, looking at sports scores etc. I didn't think anything of it until after lunch I said to MG, "Hey I thought you had an i-phone?" LE started to laugh. She explained that no MG did not have an i-phone, he had the jitterbug. I asked what it was and she said " You know like the phone with the button for the fire department?" I said " Like for old people?" she said "Yes". She then said " the jitterbug, proof that you can go too cheap on a cell phone." Loves it! Typing this now, I realize this might have been one of those you had to be there stories because I laughed for about 4 minutes afterwards.

I think this picture best shows the target audience for the phone.

Costco

I love Costco, but not so much the whole going to Costco. Here is the thing, every stupid person in Austin, or whatever city's Costco you are in, goes to Costco. They bring all 80 million of their children with them and then walk in a very slow line in front of me. I am usually on a mission and know what I need to pick up but these people are always in front of me. I want to just clear my throat real deep to get them out of my way but that would be rude. The one kind of saving grace at Costco is Self checkout. Most of these stupid people aren't smart enough to do it so I can to hang out with the other people on a mission at Costco so we move it along quickly. I now realize in saying this I have probably jinxed this one hi-light in a Costco trip.

No Truer Words Have Even Been Spoken

"Sundays are for tanning and Trueblood"- AJS

Happy Birthday Neil Patrick Harris

Happy Birthday to Doogie Howser You brought humor into our lives in the early 90's and continue to do so in the present day with How I Met Your Mother as well as your guest starring appearance on Glee. Not to mention you are easy on the eyes and a sharp dresser! Hope you have a most wonderful birthday and sorry I was not able to make it out to celebrate!

Tom Brady

Dear Tom Brady,

You are a very handsome man. You play football, you make good money, you are married to a smoking hot lady. How much longer do you think this will go on if you continue to style your hair like this

Concerned in Texas,

Taylor

Another great g chat convo

Me: how many babies do you want?
BOD: 2
man on man instead of zone
me: ahhahaha
BOD: there's no reason for them to out number us

Later on in the conversation...

BOD: what the hell is your profile picture on gchat??
Me: me with ryan seacrest
duh

The Four C’s

In college I had to take a speech class like every other college student did. We had to give one on how to do something. Naturally I picked, how to purchase a diamond. The teacher had given some of us the option to come in early and do our speech then and I took her up on her offer. So did 5 boys. Man were they in for a treat. I know it did relate to them at the time but I hope if any of them are now in a serious relationship they think to themselves when looking at diamonds “ What did that crazy girl say in her speech about the C’s?”

Winning the lottery

I really need to win the lottery. There are lots of things I want to do in this world and having to go to my 8-5 job really cramps my style for doing those additional things, unless of course I never want to sleep, which is not an option because I get very cranky without sleep. Just ask my mother. I guess for me to have a chance at winning it all I need to start playing.

More wedding fun

I am obsessed with photo booths at weddings. They make my evening/life. I could hang out in them all night long. At a friend's wedding in October I probably went into the photo booth like 20 times. This is just one of the pics I took and with the pirate hat it was also a nod to my love of nautical thingsAt LE, soon to be LG's upcoming October wedding, there will be a photo booth. She does not really want to have the accessories which upsets me because I do love them. I told her that was okay, I would bring a backpack with my own. Her response started with "So help me God if I see you with giant sunglasses.." I am hoping I can get her to change her mind on this. I have also emailed this great mustache look to her. There is still time for her to come around to this idea.

Why So Sad Heidi?

Working hard for that Oscar nomination!

Weddings

I truly love a wedding. I love everything about it. Dancing, drinking, the vows, wedding cake, bride’s dress, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, invitations. I can’t get enough. I would have no problem going to a wedding every weekend. One of my good guy friends JA, knows how much I love invitations and save the dates so he kindly puts aside the ones he gets so I can look at them. He then politely listens as I comment on what I like and dislike about them, while he could give a crap. Need an option on something wedding related? Give me a call! Need a date for a wedding? I am your lady! I think I would be great to hire as a wedding date, not in a lady of the night fashion, but more of a really fun person to dance with that you can also leave alone and they will make some friends way. I love a social situation and before the night is over I will probably tell you about my new best friend I have just made. Need a date or know of a friend that does, send them my way. I would prefer they be single employed men but I won’t be picky.

Summertime last year I got hired to do day of coordination for my first wedding, which is next weekend. TD called me after her engagement and said she couldn’t do her wedding day without me. I was so touched. It is my first paying gig and I am pretty excited about it. I have helped with lots of other weddings but this is the first time I have ever been hired and paid to do it. When my good friend BW, now BH got married in October I offered to help her and was rewarded with an argyle tote bag as well as a hair accessory. I could not have been thanked in a more perfect way. That girl really knows me and the way to my heart. Her wedding was a blast. We shut it down and you know you had a good time when you wake up and have only partially removed your spanx . Spanx aka the best invention known to man. Weddings and spanx are the perfect marriage. I mean who wouldn't want to come home with a woman wearing this under her dress

A friend's thoughts

A friend of mine, who will remain nameless, and I were discussing her upcoming date. This is what she had to say "But I'm pretty sure he just wants to sleep with me and since I am done just being a slut bag he has something else coming...so we'll see"

Paul Deen

This is part of why I love Paula Deen

That and her shameless use of butter.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mother's birthday. Happy Birthday Mom, I love you! She is the best mother I could ask for. She loves me no matter what and puts up with my silliness. The has to because I get it from her. I think I got my love of a theme party from her because she still loves to make her outfits and always made me the best Halloween costumes growing up. Thanks mom! I love love love you! And yes, she always dresses like this!

Love your favorite daughter. I turned out pretty okay, right?!?!

Things I saw in the break room

A woman making a spam sandwich for breakfast. Nasty.

I do love this Spam costume and might need it for Halloween!

Text Message Conversation

JH: Usher was just behind us in the movie

Me: Awesome. You should have turned around and said Ohohohohohohohohohohoh oh my gosh…It’s Usher. He would have loved it.

Joran van der Sloot

I never had a good feeling about this guy. Accused of killing Natalee Holloway and now has confessed to killing another girl in Peru. This guy seems like a creepster and I would not want to meet him in a dark alley or bar. Now that he has confessed to this crime I hope he also finally tells the truth about what happened to Natalee so the Holloway family can have some closure. In the Natalee case I really think that she drank too much and was getting sick/ dying and they didn’t know what to do so instead of calling for help they tossed her body out to sea. That is just my thought and I consider myself well versed in the case since I read all about it and saw the Lifetime movie. These are the kind of stories I am drawn to in the newsletter or online. Missing people, cults, serial killers, the ones that make the big headlines. The Dow drops, sorry to hear that, but have we found Elizabeth Smart yet? Well yes she was found and that was another story that I was mesmerized by. I would love to have a conversation with her and Casey Anthony and JonBenet Ramsey.

Foreign and Domestic

Foreign and Domestic is a new restaurant here in Austin. It opened a few weeks ago and I went with my friend to check it out. I should start by telling you that they love bacon and bacon products here. They have chocolate covered bacon for dessert. I had a small taste of it and it was like heaven. Bacon for dessert is sure to be sweeping the nation very soon. There were 4 of us at dinner so we had a good opportunity to try out lots of different items. For appetizers we tried That Beautiful Ass, Poppy Cock, Warm Tender Spinach Salad, and Bib Lettuce and Soft Herbs salad. My favorite was the warm tender spinach salad. It has dewberries in it which I honestly thought was a made up berry. Some of the spinach was wilted it resembled more of a steamed spinach but it was delicious. Dinner has us trying Corn Ravioli, Stube Ranch Flat Iron Steak and the Ripper. My flat iron steak was cooked to perfection and was perfectly seasoned. It practically melted in my mouth. The Ripper was a sight to be seen. It is sausage that is wrapped in bacon.

If they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach then I am going on a first day with some new suitor here. I don’t remember what all we had for dessert but the winner was the Coconut Sundae. Well all agreed it was amazing but we were left wanting more than the small taste of the chocolate covered bacon we got from a new by table. Go check out Foreign and Domestic. It was yummy and has a great feeling to it. They also have Sofia, which if you haven’t had before is worth enjoying. Champagne in a can with a straw, yes please!

TEX(t)

In college I had the nickname Tex. I went to the University of Kansas (Rock Chalk!) and being from Texas, Tex was a natural nickname. This weekend at the Bach. Party I was introducing myself to all the girls I didn’t know, which was all except for like 5. Anyway, so I said “Hi I am Taylor or Tex. I respond to either.” One girl gave me a funny look and said “Text? Like on a phone?” It never occurred to me that that it was an option but at the time we were all cracking up and it provided some good humor for the weekend. If there are name tags at the wedding mine will say this. No one ever has name tags at weddings but now that I think about it, it would be pretty helpful.

Oklahoma

This weekend I spent about 16ish hrs in the car driving to Oklahoma and back. You are probably wondering what on God’s green earth would possess me to drive to OK for the weekend. A bachelorette party duh!!! My of my dear friends from college DM soon to be DV...I just now realized her initials will be DMV, is getting married at the end of the month and had a river float trip. It was a blast and made all the time in the car worth it! There were around 38 people there for the float and we made quite the pack of ladies floating down the river. My other good college friend RT was there and had the waterproof camera that along with I think everyone else’s was lost along the way. I may be for the best. I was so happy for DM that so many people came out to wish her well. I made lots of new friends and paddled some of them back home at the end of the long long long 7 hr float. It was a lot of sun and a lot of beer but a marvelous day overall. I wish we had a sharpie or quote book with us because we had lots of good ones. Some were written on my leg until I decided to reapply my sunscreen and away they went. To all the ladies I met, I can’t wait to see you in KS at the end of the month when I again will be making the drive. I still have an opening in my hotel room and have no doubt that the wedding will be as much fun as this weekend!

“Would you put a bumper sticker on a Bentley?”

This amazing quote is brought to us by Theresa of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, otherwise known as one of the classiest ladies I have seen on TV. This is in regards to her not having in tattoos while her husband has all of the girl's names on his arm. I mean she makes a valid point but then I read about how they filed for bankruptcy. They have around 11 million in debt. That is a lot of hair bows for her children. Am I surprised? No, not really. I think all of these housewives are knocking on debt's door. Did you see Theresa’s house when they moved in?? MC Hammer would have been in heaven. It was heinous and a gross waste of money. Is that amount of marble necessary? I have no clue who would purchase this house from her if it were to go back on the market other than one of her most likely equally broke cast mates.

Spotted at Breakfast

This morning my friend JA sent me the email titled Spotted at Breakfast and this is what he saw:

1. A man wearing an FBI shirt. When I say fbi shirt it means: federal bureau of intoxication....yea, spring break never ends...
2. Bad parenting spot: child who can walk and talk (I am guessing 2-3) being allowed to eat french fries and a grilled cheese at 9am.

On the bad parenting note, I am pretty sure JA's parents would have feed him the same meal as a child if it would have calmed him down. He was a rather wild child, well, still is.

A second breakfast spotting was sent a few minutes later:

Man walking in with a motorcycle helmet that had Yosemite Sam on the back saying "back off".

My response: I love anything that involves a cartoon character...not

Yes, I am still trying to bring back the phrase NOT.

Outsourcing Labor

Not too long ago I got a ticket for running a red light in Houston. It was one of those dang traffic cameras. I am writing my check now to pay the City of Houston and can’t help but notice that my check will be going to Cincinnati Ohio. Evidently the Houston Photo Enforcement Program is based in Ohio. Does this seem odd to anyone else??

The Jaded Archer

This past Saturday my good friend AJS told me a story about how she could have been a famous archer. I had never heard about her and archery in the same sentence so I was intrigued. When she was younger, like 3rd grade, they pretty much spent the whole summer at a Club Med while her father was a Dr. there. They had a trapeze, water sports, and a kids club, but what AJS loved the most was archery. She also recalls her 3rd grade self as being awesome at archery and really having the makings of a champion. Looking back she blames her mother for not supporting her and her budding Olympian status. I told her it is not too late and to try again with her passion. She said “ Well Gena Davis did just try out for the team recently” I am ready to go and cheer on AJS at our next summer games, now get to shooting.

This is the future of the American Olympic Team.

Jeremy Piven

I have never understood the appeal of Jeremy Piven. I feel like he would be the creepy guy you meet at a bar that doesn't get that none of you are interested in him and continues to hang around. I saw this picture of him today and all I could think of was a hairless rat.
Hairless rat seems pretty appropriate because that is about as appealing as he is to me.

Al and Tipper Gore call it quits

I think it was due to global warming, you?

Crying at Work

I found out today that I might have made a co-worker cry at work on Thursday. I feel a little bit bad but given the circumstances maybe they overreacted a little bit. I thought we were two adults having a conversation but I was wrong. I mainly feel bad since said co-worker is at least 25 years older than me. Things were much better today so I hope the crying doesn't occur again.

The FBI

I have been reading the book Public Enemies which is about the start of the FBI and the hunt for the bank robbers in the 1930's like Bonnie and Clyde and John Dillinger. Well if there is anything I have learned it is that I think I could have been the head of the FBI during that time instead of J. Edgar Hoover. People weren't watching the back door of houses thinking oh perhaps they will exit there. Nope, they were just watching the front door. I am not a genius but this doesn't seem like rocket science to figure out. If there are two exits, maybe we should keep an eye on both of them.

Oh and there was the whole breaking out of jail factor. I swear they all broke out of jail and all it took was some friend throwing a gun over the fence and you going to retrieve it later. I could understand this happening once but once it happened at any other jail, wouldn't you search the perimeter a little bit better? I am not saying I am cut out for the FBI. No way jose, plus I don't like guns, or shooting, or blood. The FBI of the 1930's now that is something I could have been in charge of an improved upon. I think I was born a few years to late to realize my calling in life.